Crush this.

During my tenure at an internet startup, there were a number of words and phrases that were used ad nauseam. While none of these are new or unique to this particular company, they were all favorite colloquialisms of the CEO and executive staff, used indiscriminately at company meetings and in company-wide emails. I’ve sworn to never, ever use them, with the exception of this post, as I record them for all to enjoy.

“crush/-ing/-ed”

  • Used in context: “The marketing team is crushing it with their daily volume of tweets!!” or “The sales team totally crushed our sales goals last month!!!!!”
  • Usage caveat: Always stated with emphasis—with a fist-pump (if spoken), or with redundant exclamation points (if written).
  • Description: Used to describe with dramatic presentation, and used so often in our weekly company meetings that my coworkers and I considered turning it into a drinking game. Every time the CEO or VP’s said the phrase we’d do a shot of bourbon. The game never happened, as we realized we’d be three sheets to the wind within the first 15 minutes. Please note that usage of this phrase has absolutely nothing to do with the actual physical crushing of anything.

“killed”

  • Used in context: “Sales absolutely killed it this month!!” or “We totally killed in tweet volume yesterday!!!”
  • Usage caveat: Always stated with emphasis—with a fist-pump (if spoken), or with redundant exclamation points (if written).
  • Description: Along with “crush it”, was used for dramatic presentation of sales and/or marketing numbers. Please note that use of this word had absolutely nothing to do with the actual killing of anything.

“the real deal”

  • Used in context: “We’re bringing in an outside designer to work on our marketing site—he’s the real deal!!!”
  • Usage caveat: Always stated with emphasis—with raised eyebrows (if spoken), or with redundant exclamation points (if written).
  • Description: Used to emphasize the yet-to-be-determined reputation of a new employee or vendor, while simultaneously undermining and disparaging the reputation of employees and/or vendors current filling that role.

“props”

  • Used in context:“Props to the sales team for a killer month!!!”
  • Usage caveat: Always stated with emphasis—with a pious hand held over one’s heart or ironic salute (if spoken), or with redundant exclamation points (if written).
  • Description: Short for “proper respect”, it is hijacked hip-hop slang misused by management to offer words of praise in a public venue utilizing a trite and unsupportive manner.

“learnin’s”

  • Used in context:“Let’s go around the table and share our learnin’s for the day.”
  • Usage caveat: Usually uttered while primarily focused on checking email on a Blackberry.
  • Description: A whimsical use of the uneducated American vernacular in an attempt to force discussion in a meeting where no agenda or topic of discussion has been offered.

I could go on, with such gems as “rocking”, “rad” and “BOOM”, but simply compiling this list is depressing me. I don’t think it’s too prudish to wish for those in management to be able to communicate using words which reflect usage of a vocabulary at a slightly elevated level. I’m not requesting the Queen’s English, rather, just a level slightly higher than that of obnoxious frat boy.